Jurassic World Rebirth (2025) is finally out in theaters. While it’s already making waves at the box office, reviews have been very mixed. But even if you happen to like it (it is hugely entertaining), there’s no denying that the latest installment in the Jurassic franchise is incredibly stupid.
In fact, it’s hard to believe that an adult (David Koepp) wrote the script, and that other adults allowed it to make it to screen. But Jurassic World Rebirth is set to make a fortune regardless. As such, to quote Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill) in Jurassic Park III (2001): “Reverse Darwinism — survival of the most idiotic.”
Here are the dumbest things in the movie (many spoilers ahead).
1. A Snickers Bar Wrapper Makes Its Final Destination
Every Jurassic film before Rebirth dealt with man’s inability to control nature. The new film could have effortlessly continued this theme, and what better opportunity than a facility where scientists meddled with mutated dinosaurs? Man’s arrogance could have easily been showcased in the opening sequence in the InGen lab on the new island, Ile Saint-Hubert.
Anything could have gone wrong. The scientists could have underestimated how strong the six-limbed giant known as the Distortus Rex was, leading to its escape. Or, maybe a Snickers wrapper simply finds its way into an air vent Final Destination-style and shuts down the entire system. Who needs Dennis Nedry when his empty candy wrappers can do the job…
2. Unfortunately, Life Didn’t Find a Way After All
Jurassic World Rebirth, set five years after Jurassic World Dominion (2022), tells us that dinosaurs have now all started to die out as the planet’s air no longer supports them. Those that survive live in remote jungle habitats within the “equatorial belt,” where the oxygen-rich climate is almost identical to the one in which they thrived tens of millions of years ago.
But dinosaurs flourished in our world for four years between Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018) and Dominion. So what happened? Well, screenwriter David Koepp and executive producer Steven Spielberg clearly weren’t too fussed about having an entire planet full of dinosaurs at their disposal and instead lazily opted to return to a jungle-island setting.
3. Dinosaurs Are, Like, So Yesterday
In one of the film’s opening scenes, we see big pharma rep Martin Krebs (Rupert Friend) and covert operations expert Zora Bennett (Scarlett Johansson) stuck in New York traffic. The reason for the jam? A gigantic apatosaurus is suffocating to death on the side of the road. But not a single person cares — because, you know, dinosaurs have been around for years.
Publicly, they’ve been around for nine years: the four years between Fallen Kingdom and Dominion and in the five years that bridges the gap between the latter and Rebirth. That’s not a long time for them to have become normalized. Imagine seeing an elephant actually dying on the side of the road in the middle of a city. You’d be far too amazed to be complaining about congestion.
Related: ‘Jurassic Park’: Full Recap of the Entire Film Series Before You Watch ‘Rebirth’
4. The Filmmakers Think They’re Clever, but They’re Not
It’s so painfully obvious that the filmmakers killed off the dinosaurs on a global scale just so they could return to a jungle island, despite the fact that Fallen Kingdom went to great lengths to sever ties with such settings. But the fact that the dinosaurs now live only in equatorial regions has absolutely nothing to do with Rebirth‘s new island, Ile Saint-Hubert.
Ile Saint-Hubert is an InGen facility that’s been teeming with dinosaurs for decades, so what does this have to do with anything that’s going on with the de-extinction of the dinosaurs around the world? Nothing. But even if it wasn’t populated with dinosaurs, it’s not like the animals can just migrate to an island. How are these two concepts in any way connected?
5. The InGen Facility Explanation Makes No Sense
This is where Rebirth well and truly messes up Jurassic lore. The film opens with some text explaining that 17 years ago (going back from 2027, the year this film is set), an InGen laboratory on the island of Ile Saint-Hubert in the Atlantic Ocean was abandoned when one of its mutants escaped captivity. This lab is said to have been used “for the original park.”
But 2010 puts us in the Jurassic World era — the theme park of the same name would have been fully operational for another five years before its downfall. So was this lab used for making hybrids like the Indominus Rex? That’s what Krebs suggests at one point. But why is this lab an InGen one? Shouldn’t it be Masrani Global Corp, the owners of Jurassic World?
6. The Spinosaurs and the Mosasaur Take a Vacation
When Zora and her team (Rupert Friend’s Martin Krebs, Mahershala Ali’s Duncan Kincaid, Jonathan Bailey’s Dr. Henry Loomis, and some cannon-fodder types), along with the Delgado family, make a beeline for Ile Saint-Hubert, they encounter several sea-dwelling dinosaurs that make it damn-near impossible for them to reach the island’s breakwaters.
A Mosasaurus and a pack of Spinosaurs work together to take down the expedition’s large boat — and they succeed, violently forcing it aground and rendering it useless. So the team heads into the jungle so they can get rescued by helicopter from the island’s worker village. But in the end, they wind up escaping on a tiny boat. In the exact same waters. Problem-free.
7. The Characters Actually Condemn Dolores to Death
In an attempt to create the Jurassic franchise’s version of Baby Yoda (AKA Grogu) from The Mandalorian (2019), Rebirth introduces a baby Aquilops whom the young girl Isabella (Audrina Miranda) names Dolores. Of course, the dinosaur is cute, quirky, and harmless, which is why Isabella decides to keep the animal inside her backpack for most of the film.
At the end, however, when the surviving characters escape by boat, for reasons unknown they decide to let Isabella bring Dolores with them, even though it’s been firmly established that dinosaurs are dying out everywhere but equatorial regions as the planet’s ecology is no longer supporting them. In other words, Isabella is hardly what you can call a “clever girl”.
Jurassic World Rebirth is out in theaters now.
It stars Scarlett Johansson (Avengers: Endgame), Jonathan Bailey (Bridgerton), Manuel Garcia-Rulfo (The Lincoln Lawyer), Rupert Friend (Obi-Wan Kenobi), Mahershala Ali (The Green Book), Luna Blaise (Manifest), David Iacono (Dead Boy Detectives), Audrina Miranda (Lopez vs Lopez), Philippine Velge (Station Eleven), Bechir Sylvain (BMF), and Ed Skrein (Deadpool).
Have you seen Jurassic World Rebirth yet? Let us know in the comments!
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